another side.

so.

they say you finally know a person when you find out what makes them mad.

then i can say i got to know the mister a little better.

he got peeved at a harmless comment.

like really peeved.

needless to say that woke me up.

why do i tolerate this?

i can’t stand a guy who can’t take a joke,

shouldn’t this turn me completely the other way?

but it didn’t.

i felt bad.

a first you can say for me.

it was too intense for me,

and that’s saying a lot.

he’s the epitome of everything that turned me away from some other potential before.

yet i’m not turnin’ away this time.

is this some last hurray to say i’ve achieved the unattainable?

and here you thought i was getting all sentimental.

role reversal.

so.

explain to me why you always want what you can’t have.

finding out your ex-boyfriend has a new girlfriend,

and you’re still single.

sure you’ve had a fling in between,

but it wasn’t serious.

and now you’re placing your heart,

in the hands of someone who probably doesn’t want it in his hands.

and then you ask yourself.

why do you replace someone,

with another,

when the one you had in mind doesn’t work out?

it’s like

you’re not in love with that person.

you’re in love with  love.

you like that feeling of infatuation.

it makes you feel invincible,

like you’re floating on air.

you’re afraid of being alone.

that’s another reason too.

the thing is relationships are messy,

so you choose to place your heart into something that won’t happen,

garaunteeing you won’t be hurt.

you say you’re scared of commitment,

when all you want is commitment.

you push away everything,

just to gain a little.

that’s what love and relationships are.

you put in so much time and effort,

just so the other person loves you more.

and when they don’t,

you feel the weight of it all.

you wonder, what’s wrong with you?

what went wrong?

and frankly, it’s not worth it.

it’s easier to just play the game, keep it safe,

and stay out of it all.

but when you’re in love with love,

you can never evade it for long.

pressure.

z

i’m failing calc.

and my test is tmmrw.

i feel as if i’m drowning.

and the thign is,

i bitch about it,

but i can’t bring myself to sit down for more than 3 hours,

and work things out.

it’s scary,

and i’m drowning in it.

things with mr. variable have been…

questionable.

things are up in the air and i don’t know how to go around it.

to have another scenario like 蝦餃,

it’s not worth it.

but i fall in love easily,

and i know it.

so why is life so hard?

because God has nothing else to do buy screw around with our heads.

it’s not that i don’t believe that God wants the best,

but i can definately say this is a darker stage in my life.

there’s so much at stake,

i can’t allow any mistakes.

too bad i’ve already made one too many.

mr.variable, same equation

so,

it has come to my attention that mr. variable has another possible equation.

i think i know what kind of equation it is as well.

i’m not surprised.

but i’m not backing down without a fight.

it’s too much of a coincidence that i’m just there to kill time.

an affair you can say.

so tell me,

what’s so different this time?

the end result will be the same,

and mr. variable will go back to the other equation.

so why am i doin’ this?

because i’m a cynical bitch.

because i can.

because i want to.

and because,

he’s my new variable.

it’s déja vu baby.

so it’s happening all over again.

just a different variable.

except i’m going at this like a game.

which is most likely going to backfire on me.

so why am i doing this?

because it’s fun.

because i’m a bitch.

because i enjoy screwing around with people’s heads.

so this is the year im supposed to say,

“suck it up princess”

because i have to.

but im just not that kind of person.

i’m selfish,

i’m moody,

i’m high maintenance,

i’m close-minded,

i’m not smart,

i’m not perfect,

i’m lazy

so tell me mr. variable.

why do you put up with me?