i can’t tell you something that ain’t real.

value.

that’s a word that is so heavily stressed,

it doesn’t really represent what it tries to represent.

something that could mean so much at one time,

could be reduced to nothing in a second.

then there are other factors inputed into “value.”

time.

effort.

consequences.

these things try to keep the value higher.

but they don’t factor in other externalities,

emotions,

irrationalties,

all the things that are unpredictable.

but there comes to a point where a crossroad is finally reached.

it’s between the two extremes: all or nothing.

you’re fighting to go right,

but everything else points to left.

it ultimately boils down to what you want to do,

but it’s not easy having complete blind faith in your decision.

then there’s the difference between infatuation and love.

and the line between them is blurring.

is this lull in the whole can’t-keep-your-hands-off-each-other phase,

a sign of a long time relationship?

or a sign it’s fading out?

a kiss is the most physical way to show affection.

so why are the kisses so forced?

if initiated, it will happen,

but not without a guilty feeling deep in the gut.

anything else is fine,

holding hands,

hugging,

foreplay,

anything.

it is so easy to fake emotion and get lost in the flow.

anything but lip contact.

because kisses will give you away.

they reveal all your thoughts, emotions and intentions.

it’s hard to fake but it can be done.

then as soon as this feeling appears,

it disappears.

things are rediscovered,

the things that make it all worthwhile,

so you’re forever stuck in this limbo,

this endless cycle,

which isn’t fair to both involved.

is it easier to just end things so it stops?

or is this a natural part of how everything goes?

it’s the mentality of going with the flow,

but it’s also leading to making something out of nothing,

where the “something” or “nothing” is not going anywhere.

commitment-phobia

so,
it is fading out for me.
the heart has stoned over.
it’s just today,
but i can’t feel anything.
i feel other things,
but not with him.
it’s been five months,
that’s long.
is it an obligation?
is it a crutch?
is it a desire?
or is it genuine?
it could be companionship,
or you could say it’s lust.
there’s a third party,
a little spark you can say,
that is throwing the chemistry out of proportion.
or a catalyst you can say,
to something inevitable or avoidable,
if the catalyst never happened.
a cheap thrill,
is what will quench this unending cycle,
of worry,
of fear,
and of being captured.
but too bad,
it’s quicksand now.
easy to get in, hard to get out.