role reversal.

so.

explain to me why you always want what you can’t have.

finding out your ex-boyfriend has a new girlfriend,

and you’re still single.

sure you’ve had a fling in between,

but it wasn’t serious.

and now you’re placing your heart,

in the hands of someone who probably doesn’t want it in his hands.

and then you ask yourself.

why do you replace someone,

with another,

when the one you had in mind doesn’t work out?

it’s like

you’re not in love with that person.

you’re in love with  love.

you like that feeling of infatuation.

it makes you feel invincible,

like you’re floating on air.

you’re afraid of being alone.

that’s another reason too.

the thing is relationships are messy,

so you choose to place your heart into something that won’t happen,

garaunteeing you won’t be hurt.

you say you’re scared of commitment,

when all you want is commitment.

you push away everything,

just to gain a little.

that’s what love and relationships are.

you put in so much time and effort,

just so the other person loves you more.

and when they don’t,

you feel the weight of it all.

you wonder, what’s wrong with you?

what went wrong?

and frankly, it’s not worth it.

it’s easier to just play the game, keep it safe,

and stay out of it all.

but when you’re in love with love,

you can never evade it for long.

pressure.

z

i’m failing calc.

and my test is tmmrw.

i feel as if i’m drowning.

and the thign is,

i bitch about it,

but i can’t bring myself to sit down for more than 3 hours,

and work things out.

it’s scary,

and i’m drowning in it.

things with mr. variable have been…

questionable.

things are up in the air and i don’t know how to go around it.

to have another scenario like 蝦餃,

it’s not worth it.

but i fall in love easily,

and i know it.

so why is life so hard?

because God has nothing else to do buy screw around with our heads.

it’s not that i don’t believe that God wants the best,

but i can definately say this is a darker stage in my life.

there’s so much at stake,

i can’t allow any mistakes.

too bad i’ve already made one too many.

mr.variable, same equation

so,

it has come to my attention that mr. variable has another possible equation.

i think i know what kind of equation it is as well.

i’m not surprised.

but i’m not backing down without a fight.

it’s too much of a coincidence that i’m just there to kill time.

an affair you can say.

so tell me,

what’s so different this time?

the end result will be the same,

and mr. variable will go back to the other equation.

so why am i doin’ this?

because i’m a cynical bitch.

because i can.

because i want to.

and because,

he’s my new variable.

it’s déja vu baby.

so it’s happening all over again.

just a different variable.

except i’m going at this like a game.

which is most likely going to backfire on me.

so why am i doing this?

because it’s fun.

because i’m a bitch.

because i enjoy screwing around with people’s heads.

so this is the year im supposed to say,

“suck it up princess”

because i have to.

but im just not that kind of person.

i’m selfish,

i’m moody,

i’m high maintenance,

i’m close-minded,

i’m not smart,

i’m not perfect,

i’m lazy

so tell me mr. variable.

why do you put up with me?

it’s life, deal with it bitch.

so.

i’m obvoiusly a brilliant person to come up with this idea.

to make one guy get over the fact i’ll never date him, i flirt with other guys.

except i didn’t account for the fact the other guys would do the same thing as the other guy.

top that off with the stress of school and getting into uni this year,

why not just stamp IDIOT across my forehead and get it over with?

and somehow it’s always guys i will never go for.

not to mention due to a REALLY messed up birthday surprise party gone wrong my best friend is uber pissed at me due to a misunderstanding.

drama, drama.

it’s all in a day’s work huh.

screw me over.

so life.

decided to throw me a curve ball.

one of my best girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend decided to well, make a pass on me.

and courtesy of my so called good guyfriend

i somehow ended up gong to the movies with him.

needless to say i want to kill something right now.

oh my guy friend is going to get it when i see him next.

unbelievable

can you believe it?

i’m home in a week.

i’ve been here for two weeks.

in exactly 11 days,

i will be home.

so.

you remember  蝦餃?

yeah he’s a popular café here.

looks like i can’t get away from him after all.

even in paris.

i miss home.

shopping everyday is fun,

but i miss home.

i know i will never see my friends that i’ve made here on a daily basis ever again but,

i miss home.

i miss a lot of things.

paris is great,

but home is home.

i’m dying for an HK lai cha.

i want to go out with my friends back in Richmond Hill.

i miss my mom’s tofu soup.

i miss my turtles.

i miss the clean air,

and most of all,

my bed, turtles, and (sadly) parents.

and strangely,

i also miss my best-friend’s ex-boyfriend.

the beginning of a disaster that started with one letter he sent me.

from canada,

to paris.

and it will all end in,

canada.

wonders.

how many special people change?
how many lives are living strange?
where were you while we were getting high?
slowly walking down the hall
faster than a cannonball
where were you while we were getting high?
someday you will find me
caught beneath the landslide
in a champagne supernova in the sky
someday you will find me
caught beneath the landslide
in a champagne supernova 
a champagne supernova in the sky
wake up the dawn and ask her why 
a dreamer dreams, she never dies
wipe that tear away now from your eye
slowly walking down the hall
faster than a cannonball
where were you while we were getting high?
someday you will find me
caught beneath the landslide
in a champagne supernova in the sky
someday you will find me
caught beneath the landslide
in a champagne supernova 
a champagne supernova
‘cuz we don’t believe
that they’re gonna get away from the summer
but you and I will never die
the world’s still spinning around we don’t know why
why, why, why, why
how many special people change?
how many lives are living strange?
where were you while we were getting high?
slowly walking down the hall
faster than a cannonball
where were you while we were getting high?
someday you will find me
caught beneath the landslide
in a champagne supernova in the sky
someday you will find me
caught beneath the landslide
in a champagne supernova 
a champagne supernova
‘cuz we don’t believe
that they’re gonna get away from the summer
but you and I will never die
the world’s still spinning around we don’t know why
why, why, why, why,
how many special people change?
how many lives are living strange?
where were you while we were getting high?
we were getting high…

non-stop.

pwahaha.

i’ve been up till 4 in the morning here.

so far i’ve managed to:

• walk on the roof of our dorm
• lose 100 euros
• get high off orangina
• had an arguement with a guy in french
• had three guys try to pick me up
• drank 8 L of water
• end up doing laundry for 5 hours

and

• flood our bathroom because our shower takes up half our bathroom

it’s not that bad actually.

we’re just high off the parisian air =)

paris.

okay.

men here are very forward.

and they act as then haven’t seen a little skin (leg) before.

and the red light district is very… graphic.

lovely isn’t it?

moulin rouge was pretty awesome though.

i mean the outside was.

then the eiffel tower was pretty nice as well.

except there were a lot of people trying to sell us stuff and harassing us.

not fun.

we went to the moulin rouge.

but we couldn’t go inside cuz we’re on a catholic school board trip.

we went mental outside a mental unit in montmarte.

pretty awesome.